he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
