I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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