i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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