Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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