god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
