Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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