How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
