you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
