Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
