Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
