Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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