Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
