But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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