Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
