he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
