My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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