omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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