He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
