so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
