So drunk its hurt
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
