Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
