He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
