WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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