Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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