their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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