Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
