The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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