Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
