And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My pussy is not your playground.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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