ugly people sure do ruin things
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
