It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
