I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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