My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
