I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
