I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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