We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
