new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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