why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
