these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
