I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
