So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
