big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
