john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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