You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
