i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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