when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
