He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Semen is not good for contacts.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
