She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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