Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
