I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
