How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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